circa 2005

Fascination for things that grow through the cracks in the concrete,

Enthrallment in ambition beyond limitation,

Passion for exploration, creation and motion.

Crazy Mission

I swept up the last possible of my removable remains, from my luxurious west coast room. My crazy mission to explore this country was almost complete. The sunsets embraced me here, just like any ol’ good one from the brights above, but here he told me, “darling, go home.” I needed to empty out of this town pronto.

The majority of my stuff had been given away or meticulously chosen to be packed into boxes for UPS or FedEx servicing. My stomach knotted up as the minutes got closer to my departure time. I don’t know if I did it right, but I sure as hell tried.

I strapped the rest of my earthly positions and instruments onto my back and headed to the lobby to call a cab. It was night dark and the market lights turned the streets a cheery and glossy orange. I was overwhelmed by emotion and memories of ecstatic joys and traumatic no’s that this city has given me. "Just like any other city," I thought, “ah the duality of it all.”

"Flying is easy; it’s landing that’s hard." If you fall down, you better be ready to get scraped up. I had to turn myself into a super woman character to make it through the next 48 hours. Goodbye this, hello……that?

I did not want to consider the future I was stepping into and of course, I was in no condition to evaluate the past I was jumping out of. 1...2…3…jump!

Cabbie arrived and like a crumpled-up wad of yesterdays news, I said goodbye to my home of 7 months and began my journey in search for my next bay viewed perch.

Oh how I love cab drivers where you can only understand every 4th word they speak. His last words to me were,

“Remember me when you become Senator.”

Seed Pods

Here is a jar full of kale seed pods,
I bet there are enough seeds here,
to start two kale farms...

One for you and one for me,
And each year,
we can save enough seed,
to start 200 kale farms.

Solar Heat House

So, I built this solar heat house on Sunday to start some sprouts in. So far there are a few things I need to work out. First off, it's been cloudy and kinda cold, which gives me no advantage really. Two days of clouds and rain reviled that my "roof line" isn't quite steep enough, and so water collects on top of some of my sprout trays. I am thinking about modifying my "frame" structure. The two black compost bins didn't really work out how I thought they were going to, so I needed to add some metal posts I found behind the shed to help support the plastic.

Today we did get some sun. I am concerned that I don't have enough "solar mass collectors" (ie, clear bottles, filled with water and black food dye) - also, that the solar mass collectors may not be in the best positioning. It's been a bummer to not have more time to observe this experiment as the afternoons suns roll on through. I have a few modifications in mind, some more experimenting for the next sunny day I find free time.

Chai

Chai

Ginger split-ed and gifted twice hands has it been changed,
Gives the bite that gives the right for bright life.

Roughly ground black pepper,
Gives chunks of ginger someone to talk to,
while bubbling together at the bottom of a boil.

Powdered ginger forming clouds in the sky,
as hefts of cinnamon cake their way,
before they whisk their way,
as gentle speckles of chili powder drizzle down,
disappearing into the ever folding sky.

Strands of cedar from the palm of a friend,
dare I baby beat steams from last years harvest?
and of course cayenne.

A dash of turmeric for good luck,
a nettle bag for wisdom,
"It's not life that matters, it's the courage that we bring to it."

Overwintered

Something to aspire to,
So gracefully she overwinters.

New

To erase parts of past,
and experience life without those experiences,

Alas...

Time is chisel making way to core soul,
hacking away at skins and bones,
breaking down,
shells are shattered,

Then...

Strength of eternal internal shine,
Blessing pieces shattered,
Building pieces new,
Blessing pieces shattered,
Building pieces new.

Alright

I have no rational reasons.

I put two dollar bills in this pocket.

That was weeks ago.

Now you smell like laundry,
a smell of home,
as the sounds of Neil Young.

Clean, fresh, warm,
taken care of,
alright.

Best Option

Friday afternoon,
I did my best to beat rush hour traffic,

I am spit into a pre-happy hour rush crawl,
puttering between 0 mph, 2, 0, 2, and 0.

Getting nowhere fast,
50 minutes to Montrose,
ug.

Not a hurry,
breathing,
patience practiced.

Jam to Phish,
Play it cool,
Chill.

Nearest exit,
Irving Park able to escape,
Ug.

Irving Park moves equally slow,
0, 2, 0, 2, 0,
but patiently preserver east.

Hours later,
Still on west side,
a light is out.

Blink blink,
4 way stop,
long long long lines.

Take sharp right,
regretfully not soon enough,
finally pick up speed.

Eventually,
Smooth sweet south east,
of Elston.

Just past box store hood,
a forever light at Fullerton and Damen,
I shoot pictures.

I scope out the cyclers,
their faces saying,
"get me out of here."

I know that face,
I've felt that face,
the true experience of bone shattering cold.

Yet they push through it,
because for now,
this is their best option.

Trees in the burbs

Sometimes I wonder if these wounds will ever heal
Most times there is way too much to feel
Emotions constantly swelling and compressing
I guess that is just the breath of life?
Or perchance one time long ago
I selected the box labeled "extreme"

?

I ask how and why
The trees reach up so high
Standing so strong and long.

He said, "Look up often"

So I do as often as I can remember
And I find
It is where the details disappear
Solid matter and cluttery thoughts
Turn to clear white clouds

Even the trees in the burbs
Reach up to the same sky.

Snowing on Pines

Great Water

The sun finally shines
just as I was about to make more insane demands
of the conditions that must be met to keep me here.

(I never built my sauna, the one I would have built if winter were to have kept me here for a second consecutive frigid season)

The only solace is knowing that bears sleep through entire winters
At least I can get up for a few hours here and there.

The day buzzed
The sun finally shines
sunrise blinded me like big orange spotlight through my kitchen window
GOODMORNING he shouts!

And the evening settles in in a calmer fashion
reveling to me
reminding me of
the one reality I've been ignoring

This day was one of those firsts
where the whole day
the literal clouds have unmasked the sky
for the entire day!

So now I see the sleepy pinks and orange of one of our Million Dollar Sunsets
painting me into a pine grove
one of the ancient relics of what time and modern man has washed away

Sleepy pinks and orange
paint me into the pine grove
awakening me to the painful beauty
of mishigami.