Hemlock Hugger

oh-ah-mmm

2012-01-17T09:41:00.000-08:00

It's the hum,
It's the oh-ah-mmm,
It's the hum.

The gental rumble,
between vocal folds,
Discovered.

Discovery of separation,
Exploration of awareness and attention,
Calculation of connection,
Reorientation of place and space within this moment.

It's a cry of disbelief,
An intensity of desperation,
A display of solid will.

Like a gasp of breath,
so needed one moment,
so self-regulating the next.

Rise and fall,
Run and rest,
This is our dance.

This is the hum,
This is the oh-ah-mmm,
This is our love,
Traveling through space and time,
Traveling from your ear to mine,
oh-ah-mmm.

Past

2011-11-30T17:54:00.000-08:00

If you live in the past
I will visit you there
If you tell me the truth
I will show you my care

Birth to Abundance

2011-10-04T18:19:00.000-07:00

It is coming to the end of another season,
time has turned the tall and upright,
into low hanging heavy with seeds.

Seeds give birth to abundance,
from one many will follow,
but first the cold season must be endured.

Pt 2

2011-04-13T06:57:00.001-07:00

I want to drink you.

I am SO thirsty.

I want your coolness to shower my innards.

I want your coolness to complement my steaming heart.

I want your presence to confirm mine.

Alas you are gone,

and your lack of exsistance infirms mine.

Daily feelings of humanity fleeing further and further from reach.

But I don't really need to drink you.

and I don't really need your presense to confirm mine,

for I am still thirsty,

and this is me confirming mine.

Thirsty

2011-04-11T04:50:00.001-07:00

You are sips of water when I am so thirsty,
and I am so thirsty.

You are a full night of sleep when I am sleepy,
and I am so sleepy.

You are all these things i think I need,
to regenerate a be ok.

You are my greatest test,
for you are gone,
and I am so thirsty and so sleepy,
and so wanting to regenerate and be ok.

Campfire Hoodie

2011-03-15T05:50:00.001-07:00

It was 6:30pm on a weeknight. I had just gotten home from a shift working with the kids at the school. Hinting so gently of nights descent, the early August evening sky cast deep pink light over the bay and into my 4th floor room.

You came over wearing that green hoodie with the patches, smelling like a campfire. Like a simple housewife, I had been anxiously awaiting your arrival and was honored to be graced by your presence. You were smiling, quiet and giddy like you were keeping all sorts of innocent little secrets from me.

I began to understand that you hadn't slept for at least a day or two, and were probably most likely nursing a hangover with the tail end of an acid trip. You were probably happy to see me, but probably more excited to be out of the elements and in a cozy room with a toilet and running water down the hall.

I didn't care about your motives. I loved you unconditionally. You had long ago began your descent into worm food status but my determination to explore unconditional, kept me blind to certain facts.

You see, it wasn't about how good or how bad you were. It wasn't about how many times and in how many ways you confessed your love to me. I departed on a journey to define my spiritual beliefs and somehow our lives were intersecting. That's all anything can ever be, right? An intersection of time and place, people and things. I don't know why I ever made such a big deal about your energy.

I was trying so hard to be the adult. I was trying so hard to play the role that you always felt guilty about avoiding. You swam in that guilt every moment as you raged through outlandish intoxicated acts, suffocating like a fish out of water in the sobering moments in between. “What the heck had you been doing while I was working?” I wondered.

Wired, you needed sleep and without much speech you crashed out on the bed on the floor next to the window. My rational mind had long ago given up hope on making this work. But my heart could never be rational without a good strong fight.

I didn't understand you. I never had. You had a way of loving and hating, so much, all within the exact same moment. It was like nothing I had ever seen or felt before. And now, here it was, all wrapped up in you. All that love, all that hate, shining so bright through your sleepy eyes.

I lay down next to you, my nose next to your cozy campfire scented hoodie. Our bodies were so close, I could tell your body temperature was probably about 10 degrees below normal. Our energies meeting and acknowledging presence, but like strangers, not connecting and simply existing in close proximity. It was like sitting at a bus stop, waiting for our journeys to take us in different directions.

Woodsy Flavor

2011-02-27T07:53:00.000-08:00

(Flour and Michigan grown grains, waiting to be turned into bread...)

Yesterday at the indoor farmers market at the Mercato, three young ladies were strolling by, and I started my usual spiel. “Hi, how are you today? Have you tried our breads before? We are Pleasanton Brick Oven Bakery from across the street. Today we are sampling our Parmesan Olive Herb bread if you are interested?”

They responded receptively, patiently and pleasantly. I continued on about how our naturally leavened bread differs from a bread made with bakers yeast. One of the girls spoke up,

“Yeah, I know all about it. My dad has 6 different starters.” I was like,

“Woah! Awesome!” She went on to tell me that her dad had one he captured in the UP. This made me smile. She said it had a woodsy flavor and I was in awe.

Grace

2011-01-31T07:15:00.001-08:00

Do not stare at me like you are in some different world,
Where gravity is unknown and every heart free,
Do not be in some different world,
Where you do not know how to navigate in this world.

Your bubble has burst,
And the same old rules still apply.

Get with it kid,
You are going to be here a while,
Why don't you take off your hat,
And choose the pleasant path.

Learn to fall gracefully,
For indeed we will fall,
Learn to walk with the lightness of god,
For each step affects us all.

Learn to fall gracefully,
For indeed we will fall,
Learn to walk with the lightness of god,
For each step affects us all.

circa 2005

2010-12-28T19:47:00.000-08:00

Fascination for things that grow through the cracks in the concrete,

Enthrallment in ambition beyond limitation,

Passion for exploration, creation and motion.

Crazy Mission

2010-12-06T14:49:00.000-08:00

I swept up the last possible of my removable remains, from my luxurious west coast room. My crazy mission to explore this country was almost complete. The sunsets embraced me here, just like any ol’ good one from the brights above, but here he told me, “darling, go home.” I needed to empty out of this town pronto.

The majority of my stuff had been given away or meticulously chosen to be packed into boxes for UPS or FedEx servicing. My stomach knotted up as the minutes got closer to my departure time. I don’t know if I did it right, but I sure as hell tried.

I strapped the rest of my earthly positions and instruments onto my back and headed to the lobby to call a cab. It was night dark and the market lights turned the streets a cheery and glossy orange. I was overwhelmed by emotion and memories of ecstatic joys and traumatic no’s that this city has given me. "Just like any other city," I thought, “ah the duality of it all.”

"Flying is easy; it’s landing that’s hard." If you fall down, you better be ready to get scraped up. I had to turn myself into a super woman character to make it through the next 48 hours. Goodbye this, hello……that?

I did not want to consider the future I was stepping into and of course, I was in no condition to evaluate the past I was jumping out of. 1...2…3…jump!

Cabbie arrived and like a crumpled-up wad of yesterdays news, I said goodbye to my home of 7 months and began my journey in search for my next bay viewed perch.

Oh how I love cab drivers where you can only understand every 4th word they speak. His last words to me were,

“Remember me when you become Senator.”

Seed Pods

2010-07-17T20:25:00.001-07:00

Here is a jar full of kale seed pods,
I bet there are enough seeds here,
to start two kale farms...

One for you and one for me,
And each year,
we can save enough seed,
to start 200 kale farms.

Solar Heat House

2010-04-14T19:11:00.000-07:00

So, I built this solar heat house on Sunday to start some sprouts in. So far there are a few things I need to work out. First off, it's been cloudy and kinda cold, which gives me no advantage really. Two days of clouds and rain reviled that my "roof line" isn't quite steep enough, and so water collects on top of some of my sprout trays. I am thinking about modifying my "frame" structure. The two black compost bins didn't really work out how I thought they were going to, so I needed to add some metal posts I found behind the shed to help support the plastic.

Today we did get some sun. I am concerned that I don't have enough "solar mass collectors" (ie, clear bottles, filled with water and black food dye) - also, that the solar mass collectors may not be in the best positioning. It's been a bummer to not have more time to observe this experiment as the afternoons suns roll on through. I have a few modifications in mind, some more experimenting for the next sunny day I find free time.

Chai

2010-03-29T20:44:00.001-07:00

Chai

Ginger split-ed and gifted twice hands has it been changed,
Gives the bite that gives the right for bright life.

Roughly ground black pepper,
Gives chunks of ginger someone to talk to,
while bubbling together at the bottom of a boil.

Powdered ginger forming clouds in the sky,
as hefts of cinnamon cake their way,
before they whisk their way,
as gentle speckles of chili powder drizzle down,
disappearing into the ever folding sky.

Strands of cedar from the palm of a friend,
dare I baby beat steams from last years harvest?
and of course cayenne.

A dash of turmeric for good luck,
a nettle bag for wisdom,
"It's not life that matters, it's the courage that we bring to it."

Overwintered

2010-03-17T18:21:00.000-07:00

Something to aspire to,
So gracefully she overwinters.

New

2010-03-11T22:26:00.000-08:00

To erase parts of past,
and experience life without those experiences,

Alas...

Time is chisel making way to core soul,
hacking away at skins and bones,
breaking down,
shells are shattered,

Then...

Strength of eternal internal shine,
Blessing pieces shattered,
Building pieces new,
Blessing pieces shattered,
Building pieces new.

Alright

2010-03-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

I have no rational reasons.

I put two dollar bills in this pocket.

That was weeks ago.

Now you smell like laundry,
a smell of home,
as the sounds of Neil Young.

Clean, fresh, warm,
taken care of,
alright.

Best Option

2010-03-01T21:07:00.000-08:00

Friday afternoon,
I did my best to beat rush hour traffic,

I am spit into a pre-happy hour rush crawl,
puttering between 0 mph, 2, 0, 2, and 0.

Getting nowhere fast,
50 minutes to Montrose,
ug.

Not a hurry,
breathing,
patience practiced.

Jam to Phish,
Play it cool,
Chill.

Nearest exit,
Irving Park able to escape,
Ug.

Irving Park moves equally slow,
0, 2, 0, 2, 0,
but patiently preserver east.

Hours later,
Still on west side,
a light is out.

Blink blink,
4 way stop,
long long long lines.

Take sharp right,
regretfully not soon enough,
finally pick up speed.

Eventually,
Smooth sweet south east,
of Elston.

Just past box store hood,
a forever light at Fullerton and Damen,
I shoot pictures.

I scope out the cyclers,
their faces saying,
"get me out of here."

I know that face,
I've felt that face,
the true experience of bone shattering cold.

Yet they push through it,
because for now,
this is their best option.

Trees in the burbs

2010-02-25T14:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder if these wounds will ever heal
Most times there is way too much to feel
Emotions constantly swelling and compressing
I guess that is just the breath of life?
Or perchance one time long ago
I selected the box labeled "extreme"

?

I ask how and why
The trees reach up so high
Standing so strong and long.

He said, "Look up often"

So I do as often as I can remember
And I find
It is where the details disappear
Solid matter and cluttery thoughts
Turn to clear white clouds

Even the trees in the burbs
Reach up to the same sky.

Snowing on Pines

2010-02-23T18:04:00.000-08:00

Great Water

2010-02-19T14:22:00.000-08:00

The sun finally shines
just as I was about to make more insane demands
of the conditions that must be met to keep me here.

(I never built my sauna, the one I would have built if winter were to have kept me here for a second consecutive frigid season)

The only solace is knowing that bears sleep through entire winters
At least I can get up for a few hours here and there.

The day buzzed
The sun finally shines
sunrise blinded me like big orange spotlight through my kitchen window
GOODMORNING he shouts!

And the evening settles in in a calmer fashion
reveling to me
reminding me of
the one reality I've been ignoring

This day was one of those firsts
where the whole day
the literal clouds have unmasked the sky
for the entire day!

So now I see the sleepy pinks and orange of one of our Million Dollar Sunsets
painting me into a pine grove
one of the ancient relics of what time and modern man has washed away

Sleepy pinks and orange
paint me into the pine grove
awakening me to the painful beauty
of mishigami.

Sorrel

2009-10-03T13:48:00.000-07:00

This is sorrel.
Can you dig it?

Samaria Nostalgia

2009-08-20T08:39:00.000-07:00

This song makes me want to curl up into a warm fuzzy ball
To live through this fall day
To live through this forever season.

The sky is gray
And my feet have the dampness
As if they were in a slush bath all day long.

They throb with a coldness that your song glorifies
I throw on your staggering slurs to try to be a badass about it
I’m not about to give in

All I had
I had nothing
Then I found this

And now I must hold on to this like a kite
Pulling, pushing, winding, spinning,
Freedom, control, balance, nature, man.

Carhartts and dirty work boots
Wet muddy gloves and the saving grace of Maggie’s organic fuzzy wool on my feet
It’s a long season I don’t dare try to glorify

I’ve never been to Samaria
But you are really singing about the vegetables
That I tend to and lend my heart to
As other options await their time of bloom.

The Hummm

2009-08-05T21:06:00.000-07:00

There is a humming,
There is a chanting,
There is a message being relayed,
saying,
"stay."

Love

2009-07-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hearts fluttering with warm fuzzy comfort of family and fun,
I will sing "I love yous" until you have absolutely no doubts about the truth.

Bliss Week

2009-07-08T19:23:00.001-07:00

You have to come down,
If you want to get high.

The Human Condition

2009-07-01T17:44:00.001-07:00

Something must be killed,
So that you may live.

Human is not greed

2009-06-29T08:09:00.001-07:00

We only seek enough resources and security so that we may feel safe
With our own unique expression of happiness, joy and compassion.

Sometimes

2009-06-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

God shows up,
To Shake my hand.

Summer

2009-06-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

I am dancing in between fragrantly sprung lilac,
and the earthen cinnamon of autumns' fallen leave.

Not ready to come to terms with yet

2009-06-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

First comes survival,
then comes art.

The big question

2009-06-12T05:31:00.000-07:00

Roots or wings - roots or wings?
None of this in between please.

geocaching

2009-06-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

Left Anxiety,
Took Peace.

Safe

2009-06-09T23:09:00.000-07:00

Soft, Subtle,
Sexy, Soothing, Silly.

Fish

2009-06-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

When you smell fish,
Make fertilizer.

Oh to be a bird

2009-06-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

Oh to be a bird so light and flighty,
With a pretty voice singing in carefree confidence.

Change

2009-06-05T21:37:00.001-07:00

Change can be hard,
But usually normalizes after a while.

Introvert

2009-05-31T08:40:00.000-07:00

I like to be close,
With spaces in between.

Reach for Joy!

2009-03-28T10:37:00.001-07:00

Respecting the Elders

2009-03-22T23:16:00.000-07:00

An elder, is just as beautiful as a brand new baby. Every day they are getting closer and closer to that center point, from which we come, to which we go. That center point just beyond life as we know it, but it must be just as “home” as our everyday life experience.

A baby comes from this warm place, where he doesn’t have to worry about clothing or feeding him or herself. The eyes are closed and the imagination must be running wild, or perhaps simply at peace, developing the necessary particles to piece together sight receptors for use on the forthcoming journey.

An elder, transforms towards an equally magnificent journey. They go back into a state of not needing the eyes, and eventually, not needing to worry about clothing and feeding him or herself. The particles which sculpt this particular form of the human spirit dissipate, just as they long ago magically accumulate.

Many ask and wonder, what is on the other side of this hemisphere of life? What is on the side we cannot see? Not many remember, and if they do, even few will believe, because each individual needs to come up with their own interpretation of what they feel comfortable believing.

With a graceful sip of air, we slip into life, and with an elegant exhale, we are out.

It seems dark over there because it is unknown. We can paint pictures of fairies or monsters. We do this in everyday life, with imagination, the playing of games, joys and struggles of learning. Can you see? The big picture is a game as well.

This is my belief. We all originate from the same source, the same blob of constantly transforming particles. You’ve heard it before, “We Are One!” It’s true. And I believe that we set up this game of separation for fun. Yup! Can you believe it? All this junk on the physical plane is here for our fun and enjoyment.

Think of the simplest game like tossing a ball back and forth. A game of catch is a macro view of the particles of human spirit going from one place to another, back and forth, here and there. Why, because it’s fun.

We do this with food, ideas, money, seasons, plants, materials, papers, rocks, and scissors. Just a game you see? Back and forth, back and forth, here and there, here and there. Don’t be so hard on yourselves, it’s just a game, don’t be a serious player, and don’t be a sour looser.

Smile, sing, laugh, love, dance and forgive. If your legs no longer hold you, surrender into the next steps of life, what reason is there to resist? Day by day you are experiencing a similarly beautiful experience to a new born birth. Each day the sculpture of life (which undoubtedly must be ourselves,) pulls and pushes the clay into new positions, like a new born babes form, less and less unique, less and less separate from the one being from which we come from.

Of course, this explains on one dimension of life. But think of it as a brief overview of the game you have been playing since the day you were born.

The Observer

2009-03-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

I observe pretty things,
outside of me,
and I want to share them with you.

At times when the seasons are shifting,
I feel not so pretty things,
Inside of me,
and I don’t want to share that with you;

But amid the madness and civil wars inside of me,
I flail and scream out to you;
Sharing with you,
My deepest ugliness.

But sharing,
Regardless of beautiful or ugly,
is an incredible phenomenon that we get to experience here,
and your acceptance of my sharing,
Whether it be pretty or ugly,
is a very beautiful thing.

Thank you.

Rhode Island, a close second at 10.3%

2009-03-03T21:14:00.000-08:00

I know I know, it's all in my head. I am creating this reality. We are all to blame. We are all to take responsibility for the world we see around us. I understand this, yet I still am incredibly stumped about "WHY" this is what we are seeing. Why are we creating this scary, uncomfortable, insecure environment?

This is what I see...

Here in my small town in Michigan there were 500 applicants to fill one position to sort through garbage. ...ok ok I admit, that was an exaggeration. The truth is, 500 people applied for a single position to sort through, not garbage, but recyclables. Though it might be nice to have some sort of income, I'm sure glad I am not the one who has to pick 1 out of 500.

Ready for some other figures I have heard? (Keep in mind, this is a small town of about 6,000 people...)

200 applicants for a secretary position; 80 applicants to operate a cash register; 50 applicants for a minimum wage front desk at a gym position; and 25 applicants for a 4 month teachers aid position.

I know that my underemployed circumstance has nothing to do with these figures. I refuse to believe that anything outside myself controls myself. My underemployed circumstance is a 100% reflection of the indecisiveness in my head.

I once told a friend, "Your project would really take off if only you got behind some kind of good cause."

He said, "I know I know. But I don't have enough information yet, as to which cause to stand behind."

I can think of a thousand good causes to stand behind, that are undoubtedly good causes, worth anyone's effort, (at least in my mind;) planting trees, teaching children, assisting with the mentally ill, caring for the elders, developing alternative energy, recycling, etc....

But he's right...do I have enough information to know what is most urgent, what is most in need of my time and energy? Don't tell me you don't feel it too? This urgency.

I realize now, at the age of 24, that I took an education I could not afford. I took an education that my family could not afford. I took an education which marketers, not educators, promised me better jobs, a better future. Going to college; it's just what you do after high school. What college you choose; it doesn't really matter. At 17 years old, I took the advice of my elders and went to college. I passed over the advise of my peers. Instead of going to New York to be a gutter punk, I went to Chicago to study management, at an arts school (how oxymoronal is that?)

I know that I am not alone (see StudentLoanJustice.org)...but this is what I see...

My generation caught some of the highest college tuition rates, and were released into the wild during some of the worst economic times.

As a freshman in high school the dot com's were bursting. People were making millions by selling dog food over the internet.

Fast forward four years; as a freshman in college my country entered a war, that, like Vietnam, was never meant to be won, but was meant to be waged as long as possible...(a little fact from former Defense Secretary Robert McNamara himself...see The Fog of War:)

On the weekends I would sit comfortably from a distance, in my cozy apartment, and watch my friends on TV, from helicopter views, braving the cold wet weather to march in massive war protests. Chicago police would funnel the 10,000 + protesters into dead ends and hold them there for hours. The masses chanted "Let us leave. We have to pee." Eventually prison buses came to ship the full bladders to the station for an overnight visit.

On weekdays I would do my best to focus on my studies as teachers would enter the classroom, gently bow their heads and announce "Today, 200 people lost their jobs...the jobs I am training you for."

"Eh!" I decided, "Time to switch majors. I'm not that passionate about management anyways."

As my country sank further and further into debt, buying weapons and human life we should not afford; I sank further and further into debt, buying my time, roaming through this "education."

So here I am 6 years later, educated and jobless. Those streets are no longer full of angry peacemakers. They have gone on to experience the gentler sides of life, freedom to pee as they please.

Here we are 6 years later. As far as I know, we are still at war, trying to fix some faraway land while our own country crumbles. California is bankrupt, even with it's semi legal billion dollar cash crop; lives are ruined, people are jailed for growing a few green plants. Soldiers in faraway lands stand at full attention, guarding fields of flowers with their MK 19 Automatic Grenade Guns.

Here we are 6 years later; Michigan is depressed because cars are loosing popularity with the greenwashing of America and Rhode Island is at a close second with an unemployment rate of 10.3%.

Here we are 6 years later; we have a "black" president and perhaps that is enough to shift our paradigm. Perhaps that is enough to stop wondering WHY all this ugliness and start creating WHAT could be beauty. But first I must dissect a quote from the Wikipedia entry on “Employment…”

“Those who work under obligation for the purpose of fulfilling a debt,”
(ah shit, that’s me….thanks Sallie Mae…)

“such as an indentured servant,”
(oh that’s such an old fashion term “indentured servant”…)

“or as property of the person or entity they work for,”
(ha! Gottcha there! I don’t work for no one!)

“such as a slave,”
(….gulp….)

“do not receive pay for their services and are not considered employed.”

So yeah, that explains why I am not considered employed. Now I just need to learn to drop the hot coals of anger and forge ahead creating beauty.

White Birch

2009-02-19T17:30:00.000-08:00

This is a photo of me getting ready for a big hug with the birch tree.

I love birch trees. They remind me of the moments I spent exploring through crunchy leaves in the northern forest backyards of my youth. The big birch trees partnered with the thin red copper gloss stick shrubs, (probably Betula nana, the "Dwarf Birch.")

The villages of trees prepared themselves for winter.

There was a smell. It was musty but sweet. The birch trees had these little stacks of seeds that crumbled so gently between curious fingertips.

Knowledge is gained; the realization of one, dissolving into many and gliding away so silky and light. What holds us together? Some sort of combination of rain, sun, dirt, wind, and maybe oil or some magnetic force. And what shakes us apart?

Natives of the Northeastern Forests used these trees for making canoes, shingling their roofs and making containers to store food and medicine.

Birch bark is thin and papery. The “Paper Birch” has special resinous oils which preserve the bark, near indefinitely.

Birch trees come in Red, White, Black, Silver and Yellow. Collect them in all sizes. The leaves between the different colors are similar with double serrated edges and feather-veins.

Birch trees tend to prefer a northern temperate climate. I ask the birch, “What is it about this place that makes you stay?” I admit, summer time in a birch grove is heavenly, “But dear bitch tree, how do you make it through a northern winter?”

The Layers Show
TOO MANY! Is it spring yet?!

Snowshoe in the Memory of Frozen Water

2009-02-16T16:07:00.000-08:00

Do you live your life as if your actions are frozen in time?

Cabin Fever (even though we had a thaw - blah blah blah)

2009-02-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

Getting out into nature can be very therapeutic. When spring hits full swing, I promise the skin I live in, to be outside 95% of the time. Modern buildings, with their heavy structures, give us humans a false sense of security. Fires burn in Australia; water and wind slosh all around the globe with different ebbs, flows, beauties and sorrows.

This past autumn I had an epiphany of sorts while sitting in the woods listening to the leaves fall. WARNING; I am not saying it’s a cure-all; in fact it could take you deeper into the unknown. While sitting there, I experienced calm, comfort, assurance, but anxiety always seems to be a creep away. This is my close, personal description of one of the most standard human experiences. Is a hunter right behind me, colorblindly seeing my Girl Pink as Deer Brown? Are big brothers watching and teasing? Is god taking scrupulous notes? Right there, a creep away? Are they standing on your shoulders? They are standing on my shoulders.

But once you come to terms with this presences, there is a freedom in knowing the inescapable position we find ourselves in. “Ah, I will feel pain when I feel pain. I will feel joy when I feel joy. These elements shall ebb and flow like Earth, the macrocosm we inhabit.

This past week Northern Michigan experienced a February thaw, with temperatures reaching near 60 degrees Fahrenheit. I did indeed experience moments of joy when not having to dress to full layer capacity. This feeling this feeling; perhaps it’s the sap surging up through my roots.

Is a blank canvas an empty imagination? Or a full one?

The Layers Show (19 degrees Fahrenheit)

Pink Hat, $10 Walgreen’s Downtown Seattle
Sunglasses, $12 Walgreen’s U Village Seattle
Bright Blue Tee, $2.50, Village Discount Chicago
Smartwool Underlayer, $50, Uncle Something, Chicago
Woolrich Green Zipper Turtle Neck, $2.50, Goldmine, P-town
Neck warmer, over priced, REI, Chi-burbs
Black fleece hoodie, $2.50, Goldmine, P-town
Pink ‘n Brown hoodie vest, $20, K-mart, Seattle
Bright Yellow safety socks, $1.00, New Beginnings, Harbor Springs
Pink Burton Mittens, Thanks Barbra! Christmas present.
Ring, Thanks Daphna! Christmas present LONG time ago.

A weekend Island getaway with some of the best birders, foxers, and river skiiers in Northern Michigan………priceless.

With Anxious Wings I Flutter in and out of Love with Life

2009-02-09T23:44:00.000-08:00

The caravan began gathering long before I joined. I woke up early, ready for a weekend of exploration. I woke up prepared, dehydrated and hungover after an evening of tasting wine for a good cause.

They were observing bald eagle habitat, and the creatures which inhabit it.

We drove to the rendezvous point; the air was moist and teasing of spring. We parked in the airport and waited for the caravan of observers and identifiers. I sat in the truck and listened to NPR reports of our recessing economy. I got out of the truck to stretch and watched a plane fly past a bird on it’s way to landing in the tiny airport.

The caravan arrived. We shuffled gear and food supplies from car to car. We were off to the Yoop for adventures galore.

We saw snowy owls.

We spotted them then watched them as they perched atop things, bearing the cold with down feathered coats. The wind splashed through their feathers as their heads twisted in free rotation; eyes piercing creepy as if you were looking into a mirror and seeing the face of god. It made me want to jump like I was a spooked horse, but then bringing my eyes back to the group grounded my thoughts and I was able to see the silliness, beauty and awe in it all.

These lone creatures perched in postures of wisdom, carrying eyes of all knowingness, contrast the love that radiated from our mobile gypsy camp. We be characters from all walks of life united by the fascination of gawking god straight in the face and saying “Hey! I am either going to analyze the hell out of this or simple absorb atmosphere like a sponge.”

The flat stretches of landscape held a thick mist of cold damp February thaw. Earth danced through particles of frigid humidity, brushing against our open skin, invigorating our spirits as we huddled around “the scope,” outside of our travel mobiles.

We Observed.

We looked at things. We looked at countryside until the image of birds appeared. We trekked through snow until we found coyote mating tracks. We sloshed through sticky heavy snow on our snowshoes. We bantered and chattered past beaver chews and dammers. We used tools like binoculars to observe in the present. We used tools like cameras to observe in the future. We used these tools to focus-in, on the eye of god. We used our ears to listen to the voice of god through the tweeddle-dee-dee’s of a unidentified birds.

We observed a fox, taking a lazy Sunday nap, curled up on a box, dreaming of maple sap. Some of us caught a glimpse of a flying rabbit, flapping dangerously low through the trees, while others went “all the way” home skiing on the Saint Mary’s River.

We flowed like the rushing riving below the ice cover we skied on. We broke apart and we united for an amazing experience of group solitude and recovery. We took care of ourselves; we listened to our bodies calls to be stretched or to nap or sun bathe, after a long day of skiing. We took care of each other with fire stoking, tea brewing, food making, silent sharing, song playing and love radiating.

Together we watched in awe of a woodpecker pecking. Together we watched in awe of a setting sun splashing golden laser beams into the living room and kitchen. The bay windows over looked the Saint Mary’s River as if we were cruising in the bow of a freighter. Together we watched that power slightly removed from us pain layers upon layers of atmosphere with a sky blue pink paintbrush.

10% Represent

2009-02-06T00:20:00.000-08:00

Hi. I am Nellie and I represent one of 10% of Michiganders who are “unemployed.” This statement is not the whole truth, but one angle indeed.

Another word I like to use is, “under-employed.” I have heard other Organic Farmers use this word to describe their scenarios. Generally, I have been keeping myself busy, “freelancing” some web work and other miscellaneous projects. Even as an “under-employed” individual, I still find that there are not enough hours in the day. Maybe it’s the Adrenal Fatigue, but I just can’t seem to get up before noon or become productive til 9pm. Oh how I long for long, warm, sunny days.

Jobs are strange things. They can define who you are if you let or want them to. They can build you up and they can tear you down. They can fill you with joy and ecstatic excitement. They can give you comfort, security, and a way to pay for your right to be here, yes, as if you have to pay for your right to be here. You are not enough. It’s true, unless of course you are living at home or in a monastery. But in order to break out; in order to become separate from one whole; in order to be something “other” than pure source; in order to be independent………………….SLICE………..

One must decide a path.

We are each an individual finger of the universe. There is no right or wrong. We are here to explore, to experience, to know. A path must be decided.
de⋅cide
[di-sahyd]
Origin:
1350–1400; ME deciden < MF decider < L dēcīdere lit., to cut off, equiv. to dē- DE- + -cīdere (comb. form of caedere to cut)

Way back in the Bioneers Days

2009-02-03T21:03:00.000-08:00

It’s been almost 4 months since the 2008 Great Lakes Bioneers Conference. I am finally now getting around to typing up this list for you. Here are some of the great local groups that were representing themselves at the oh eight Great Lakes,

Island: Institute for sustainable living, art & natural design

Taste the Local Difference: Your Guide to Local Farm Foods, Northwest Michigan

National Youth Campaign to Establish a U.S. Department of Peace: Make Peace. Make Sense. Make History

Michigan NORML: Michigan Chapter of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws

Herbal Alliance Northern Michigan: A circle of herbal enthusiasts

Little Artshram: Art-Farm Workshop in Traverse City

SEEDS: Fostering local solutions to global issues.

Paradigm Energy Services: Next Generation Home Inspections

Say yah to dah UP eh

2009-02-02T15:37:00.000-08:00

Save the wild UP eh! Say nah to da sulfide mining!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you are in the Yoop area, February 18th, there is a meeting that would be very insightful for anyone to attend. I went to a public hearing on this matter back in 05, and let me tell you, I was moved, inspired, brought to tears, by the public comment on this issue. It was this meeting back in 05 which inspired me to write the song "Precious."

Here are some resources to learn more about the issue.

Save the Wild UP
Students Against Sulfide Mining

Down by the River

2009-02-01T22:40:00.000-08:00

Birds chill'n on a chilly winter afternoon, down by the Bear River.

Quickest Remembering

2009-01-27T13:08:00.000-08:00

At times nostalgia still overwhelms me. It sinks so deep into my bones I must question whether any movement at all is worth the trouble of experiencing more life that could potentially be reflected upon with this piercing nostalgia.

I don’t remember this trait from my previous self. Perhaps I absorbed the capacity for this intensity of remembrance from spending so much time with you. How come looking back, it’s so easy to remember the good times. Was I then, at those moments, choosing to bask in the happiness I had found myself in, instead of preparing myself for a secure future of, happiness, at risk of missing out on the present sun showers?

We melded into one at times. Everyone around us could see it. Strangers on the streets of towns we visited would shout out to us. They could see that spirit dancing in between our two bodies. We didn’t understand it yet. We were young. So we tossed golden sun drops on their lawns before skipping town.

I don’t understand the dancing spirit above, but in Northern California, there was no questioning the intense connection our roots had. Below the gray ground we traveled on, our roots twisting together, sharing space and nutrients.

There were moments of extreme bliss; extreme knowingness. There were surges of extreme fear, terror and rapid questioning of truth. All of these emotions, revolving between us, as the final connections were made, confirming the directions of our spirit, and/or life paths.

The closer our spirits and roots intertwined, the stronger our connection felt. But the stronger the connection between spirit and root became, the more distant our bodies and minds became.

What an outrages experience indeed. When that final connection is made, two directions can be the result. Insanity and / or the God state. This is because our existence is reliant on that dance between – and +. Once the final connection is made, the energy jumps to the opposite, which at this point is extreme repulsion.

But still, there remains all this space, space and motion between our prior and current beings. Will eventually enough road be traveled for me to overwrite this nostalgia with new memories?

Have you ever had to decide? Have you ever had to cut off?

Feels like 2

2009-01-24T21:17:00.000-08:00

When it is this cold outside, your perspectives change, in regards to space and comfort. Big spaces are fun to move around in, and put stuff in, and stretch around in, but they are hard to heat. I mean really, what kind of insulation job is going to hold up to “feels like 2” degree temperatures?

Space heaters are a heat lover’s best friend, yet there are negative side effects, such as, never wanting to move away from said space heater, as well as dry itchy skin, eyes, high electric bill, etc.

Big spaces are cold, still and empty. All surfaces are chilling to the touch. I can’t help but imagine the migratory lifestyle.

I get up to dance, to get the blood moving, be my own heater. Dance to reggae music dance. Oh but the blood is frozen solid.

Overwhelmed

2009-01-21T20:14:00.000-08:00

o-ver-whelm
1. To surge over and submerge; engulf
2.
a. To defeat completely and decisively: I have been overwhelmed by influence.
b. To affect deeply in mind or emotion: I am overwhelmed from influence.

Obama Day

2009-01-20T19:16:00.000-08:00

It was Obama’s big day. I got up feeling great on the cold but sunny morning in Hungry Hallow. I had big plans to get up early, bike across town, and leisurely collect my ingredients roaming through the co-op. I got the props for being hardcore, riding the bike in January. It is a different way to ride when most of the road is a good 3 to 4 inches of slippery packed snow. Some guy in a fancy white jeep looking thing yelled at me as I slid through the streets nearing downtown. I couldn’t tell what he was saying. I was a little paranoid he might follow me and run me off the road and beat me down with a stick. He was probably just jealous because I was having more fun on my bike. I’m setting of the bike snob meter.

So after the co-op it was off to my friend Yammie’s to bake in honor of the new President. An hour and a half later, we had a giant cake of Nellie’s famous experimental survival food in the shape of a guitar, just in time to walk up the road to the Carnegie building, our community center to watch things like this grand inaugural speech. It is quite amazing. Obama has the flair that can get even the laziest mind interested in participating and serving our communities. Both sides of the fence have to agree, this is good.

To continue the celebration of a crisp sunny inaugural day, it was off for a skiing adventure.

A fox prances lazily across the iced-over bay. It’s a new land he has never seen before; a frozen tundra. He puts his ear to this new ground, listening for mice; the water beneath, splish splashing, below varying inches of ice-cover. “It’s a pretty sound” he thinks, “but not mice.”

He picks his head up and stands in a perky position facing the Petoskey direction. He stands there absorbing the bright afternoon sunset. Everything is covered in white, making a sunny day like today, one of the most bright brightnesses ever to be experienced. He relaxes and walks along his chosen tundra territory, sniffing at the cracks where the ice pushes together. He puts his head again to the ground, listening for mice,

“It’s a pretty sound,” he thinks, “but not mice.”

New Era

2009-01-19T11:09:00.000-08:00

Today is a super exciting day, as well are the next few days. It’s Monday, January 19, 2009, the day before Obama’s Inauguration. Change.org thinks this is the beginning of a new era of civic engagement. I hope so. It is exciting. Think of how much participation could happen with the use of the internet!

Right now the sun is early in it’s winter sky. This is what 9pm in the summer looks like, except for more green, less white. It’s cold outside and many have to choose between groceries or paying the heating bill. But people are still excited! It really does feel like a new era.

I am giving away a Nellie Eve "Twice Daily Until Spring" CD to the first person who can tell me what is in the crotch of this tree. When someone guesses it I will post the close-up picture of this.

Aspen Grove

2009-01-18T15:31:00.000-08:00

Cauldron Brewing...

Skiied a quick loop out in Aspen Grove. Learned about herbal brewing. Tasted some amazing flavors, medicinal, wild, natural. Yum. The book recommended for reading, Sacred and Herbal Healing Beers: The Secrets of Ancient Fermentation.

Also visited the Charlevoix Public Library and began reading fascinating stories about the early days this land has seen. Isn’t this an awesome bear with a map on it? Woooh!

The Layers Show
Pink Cap, $10, Walgreens Seattle WA
Striped long hoodie, $25, Peebles, Petoskey MI
Green Gator tee shirt, $2.50, Goldmine, Petoskey
Danskin Black zip up turtle neck, $2, Goodwill, Petoskey
No label black zip up fleece hoodie, $2.50, Goldmine Petoskey
Long Brown Wool sweater, $2.50
Brown & Pink Hooded Vest, $25, K-mart, Seattle
Brown Hooded Downish Jacket, $30, K-mart, Petoskey
Black Tights, K-mart
White wool long underwear, somewhere out there
Black Soccer sock leggings, Free from previous incarnation
Black Fleece Pants, K-mart
Maggie’s Organic Wool Socks, gifted, thanks Lee!
Plaid Snow Pants from Target, Chicago
X-C Ski boots,

Skiing in the woods, fresh powder, amazing trails, and huddling around a propane heater and good people, in a shed/ kitchen, sampling witches brew and making it home before dark….Priceless.

Places to Cross Country Ski

2009-01-16T15:16:00.000-08:00

Notes from Wednesday Pub Night, Satellite Location.

We were chickens eating beet soup and no, we did not ski in the negative 6 degree temperatures, as tempting as it was...

Places to ski before the snow melts….

Chandlers
The Gorge
The Dunes
Aspen Grove
North Country Trail – Harmon Rd to Slashing
North Country Trail - Stutsmanville
Black Mountain
Mackinac Island
Shingle Mill
Green Timbers (crust cruisin’)

Please make comments if you have ever been to these places and want to let others know of the greatness. Make the appropriate comment if you don't want to let others to know about the greatness.

PS Cindy, thanks for having such nice handwriting and spelling skills!

MINORML

2009-01-15T17:19:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I ventured downstate for the Winter Quarter Michigan NORML meeting.

Two organizations which have branched off of MINORML are MIHEMP (Michigan Industrial Hemp Education and Marketing Project)and Michigan Medical Marijuana Association. If you’d like to learn more about hemp and it’s relation to the history and development of the United States, I recommend reading chapter four of THIS book by Jack Herer.

Merino Wool Socks

2009-01-13T02:33:00.000-08:00

It’s been a busy weekend. I’ve soaked up a lot of information, entertainment and inspiration. All the while, I’ve been testing out some new socks. Over the Christmas time holidays, I received awesome items to keep me warm through the rest of the winter. Thanks to loving family and friends, I can now retire some holy socks to their next incarnation as wrist warmers.

I now own six pairs of brand new merino wool socks, one pair of lavender colored fuzzy house slippers and a pair of pink Burton mittens, with pockets in them!

With a few exceptions, pretty much the only socks I’ve worn in the last three years are Maggie’s Organic Cotton socks, and Smartwool socks. Before discovering these two awesome makes of socks, I often had really uncomfortable feet. I think this is because my body in general does not respond well to synthetic materials. I’m not an excessively sweaty person, but put me in synthetics and I’m bound to get sticky, stinky and irritable all over very quickly. My body is saying, “yuck, don’t put that shit one me.”

I fell in love with merino wool socks.

Merino wool socks are great for travelers. If your feet do not get too funky, you can wear one pair for a few days before washing! Just turn them inside out to let them air out during the night time and with just one pair, you’ll be good to go for a few days! They are SO great!

So far, since this past gift giving season, I have tested out two pairs of Maggie’s Organic Wool Socks, and two pairs of SmartWool’s. Honestly, all four pairs get a SUPER A+ in my book. I totally love them all. They give your feet a soft and cozy hideaway and keep them the perfect temperature and moisture level. These socks are the next best thing to being barefoot, you don’t event feel like you have socks on because you never get bothered by them. It sucks when socks are always falling down. These all stay up and in place really well. They hug your feet in all the right places.

Some are slightly thicker like Maggie’s Olive colored Killington Mountain Hiker, (selling like hotcakes!) but I could even imagine keeping these in my summer wardrobe rotation (especially with all this global weirding.) Merino wool socks are always the grand finale to any of my stellar multi layered outfits.

So I was thankful to be wearing these thicker wool socks when I traveled through traffic and high snowdrifts to get to the Winter Quarter, Michigan NORML meeting. It's an exciting time if you are keeping up with the fact the the "counter culture" is now, "the culture."

It was an exciting trip downstate but when the snow melted off my boots while I was sitting through the meeting, I was glad to have my super socks on. They kept me feeling warm an cozy in my traveliv’ homey’s (Which are my cheap pink boots that are NOT holding up so well!).

Merino wool socks are a great gift anytime of year! And if I needed any more, (which I don’t really, 6 pair last so long I won’t have to do laundry as often!)

[[!!But watch out if you are buying for a vegan extreme // I'm a relaxed vegan when it come to wool, used leather and honey. The advantages outweigh the disadvantages in my book, but think before you buy for an extreme vegan or animal rights folk!!]]

I would totally recommend Maggie’s Functional Organics since they are a company here in Michigan providing an outstanding wool sock product! Yumm. My feet get happy just thinking about them, mmm mmm mmm to merino wool socks!

Wildwood

2009-01-06T11:03:00.000-08:00

I made the escape from town to visit some old apple orchards in Wildwood. The conditions were frozen making each movement through the trails less than stealth. Our skis made scrapidee-scrape sounds in the icy tracks with each slide forward. I would stop and shout ahead to my friend, inquiring, “Are your skis being just as loud as mine?”

Kutchhuh, sckutchhuh……

The day was gray, as the days tend to be from now until May. I would attempt to reduce the noise from my movement by skating through the powdered ice, as opposed to the packed groomed iced trail. My ski’s through this powdered ice sounded like pouches of glass beads being tossed across a round table. My brain filtered through bartering strategies. These ice crystals won’t last through the spring, but their current sound is invaluable.

The path we took was through an old logging forest. The first 50% was mostly up hill. Halfway through our journey, we stopped at the top and ate organic chocolate in the frosty air. We stood still, finally resting our ears from all the scrapidee-scrape sounds. We stood still, silently juggling mittens, water bottle and pocket food. We stood still and listened to the comforting tranquility of the wilderness in Wildwood. A pair of field hawks casually flew through the frozen grassland we had just climbed out of. I watched their silhouette pass behind the trees we stood amongst. They flew swift but relaxed as if arrival to their destination was guaranteed to be ahead of schedule. They chatted carelessly with each other. I listened in awe to their enchanting gulck-gulck sounds.

The Layers Show

Pink Hat, $10, Walgreen’s Seattle
Black striped turtleneck, $6, K-mart, P-town
Yellow Woolie, $2.00, Sal Arm, Hungry Hollow
Pink Burton Mittens, Gifted, (Thanks Dad & Barbara!)
Pink n’ Brown Vest, under $30, K-mart, Sea-town
Black Tights, $9, K-mart, P-town
Snow Pants, Gifted (Thanks Mom!)
X-Country ski’s, poles & boots, borrowed, (Thanks Mom!)
Maggie’s Organic Cotton Socks, gifted (Thanks Mom!)
Old Soccer socks turned leg warmers, 50 cents, Resaling in Harbor
Ankle high Smartwool socks thin from wear, $9, Moosejaw Chi-town

Getting out, breathing fresh air…priceless.

Rain Boots

2009-01-05T21:50:00.000-08:00

Rain Boots; memories that have no recorded images dancing in-between light refractions. These rain boots exist only in the sketches of the following words…

I am thankful for the trees. The free newspapers come from trees.

Early October, it was the beginning of rainy season. I was urban camping out of a van on a journey up the west coast. I was heading the wrong direction; all the birds in migration south could confirm this fact to you.

Recently in the South West, a week or so in L.A; it was my third or fourth day in the San Francisco Bay area. The first night was spent in Golden Gate Park. The next two nights we migrate to the east bay. We camped on Telegraph, a block from the bustling shops on Shattuck Ave in Berkeley.

Living out of a van with no electricity and not much leg room, in-between vegan meal preparation and yoga classes, my friend and I would often cruise the streets and window shop. We stumbled into a shoe store with big 50% off sales advertised in the front windows. The weather had been pleasant so far throughout my entire journey, but the gray sky’s of autumn were creeping in. The pair of bright yellow rain boots, with green and red plaid stripe print, was very tempting.

I like to keep my collection of items to the minimum. At first it was very easy to pass up these hot, but bulky rain boots. That night, it rained. Coming home to the van after walking through the rain that night made me realize, my summer shoe accessories kit, consisting of a pair of Reef flip flops and gold colored imitation Crocks, were just not going to cut it, for the weather to come.

That night, as we parked in the shadow of Berkeley Tree Sitters, I gave thanks to the tree gods and I crumpled free newspapers, shoving them into my soggy crocks for drying.

The next morning, again gray skys, my motivation for life was fading with the passing of summer. I decided to treat myself to a major house improvement purchase. My feet were my foundation, upon which all the rest of me resides.

The yellow rain boots were a temporary spirit lifting acquisition as well as a path to extreme internal introspection. Throughout the next few weeks, as precipitation became more persistent, it was becoming clearer to me that my summer of urban camping was lying closer to the road of “lifestyle” than temporary “vacation.”

I lived out of those yellow boots. I splashed through puddles, exploring city street ways and counting my blessings. At night I would stuff my yellow rain boots with dry newspaper. In the morning I would have a dry vessel for my feet, if I was lucky enough to scrounge up a semi clean pair of dry socks.

Feet are so precious. They ground us to the earth. They carry us through our day. They let us travel and choose our own way.

It rained and rained as we ventured north, out of California towards the Pacific Northwest. Fog steamed from pools of water while we weaved through crests of varying elevation. In the darkness of night, we pulled over near Redding. I wrote a song on my banjo about vehicles that tended to stall in wet weather conditions. Blessed were we in our trusty way of transportation. Dirt road, big trees; the sound of rain pitter-pattered on the steal roof and lulled us to sleep.

The Layers Show

Pink Hat, $10 Walgreen’s Seattle
Brown Fleece Scarf, detachable piece from brown K-Mart coat
White Cotton Thermal, cheap, some resale shop escaping memory
Brown Harvest Gathering 2008 Tee, $5, Harvest Gathering Lake City MI
Pink & Brown fake fur vest, under $30, K-mart Seattle.

Warm dry feet and being able to find comfort in the rooting process………priceless.

Freedom To Be

2009-01-04T10:27:00.000-08:00

The Layers Show

Pick Seattle Hat, $10 Seattle Walgreen’s
Haircut, Gifted, (Thanks Richard G.)
Turquoise Necklace, Gifted from AZ, (Thanks Dad)
Striped Hoodie, $2.50, Goldmine, P-town
Pink Leopard Print PJ Top, Christmas Present (Thanks Mom)
Flannel PJ Dress, (Thanks Mom)
Black Banana Republic Wool Pants, $2.50, Goldmine, P-town
Pink Longies, $1.00
Smartwool Socks, Christmas Present (Thanks Dad and Barbara)

Freedom to be me…….priceless.

Focus

2009-01-03T01:16:00.000-08:00

What do you hold in focus? What do you chase after or reach towards?

I have a million projects I’d like to narrow down to a number more manageable.

Trees are magical. Fertility is mysterious. Snow is cold yet crystal-ous. My fingerprints are unique, yet not exclusively printed.

You are rough as this bark.
I am smooth as this green.
We are tough as these ages we have lived through and seen.

Escape to the blur
Behind where I focus
Only in time will this air choose to choke us.

Betula Alleghaniensis

2009-01-02T20:49:00.000-08:00

Yellow Birch!

This is me hugging a yellow birch tree on the first of January 2009 in the McCune Nature Preserve. Yellow Birch trees like to live near flood planes, unlike the white birch who live high up, safe, over looking water ways. This yellow birch is sad, perhaps even diseased. I enter the year of 2009 diseased, ready for healing. Perspective is so powerful.

I started two worm farms fresh this oh nine. They are busily making fresh, fertile new soil. There is much to grow for. May you grow strong, trustworthy and beautiful this ohhh nine. Oh yeah!

The Layers Show

Pink Seattle Hat, Walgreens, Downtown Seattle, $10
Brown Eskimo Jacket, K-Mart, P-town, $40
Pink Leopard Print PJ top, K-Mark, Christmas Present
Black Turtle Neck, Goldmine, P-town, $2.50
Black Banana Republic Wool Pants, Goldmine, $2.50
Pink Thermal Longies, $1.00
Glad Rags, Oh yeah! GT, Petoskey
Black Mittens, Thanks Mateo’s Cousin!

A new year………so…so priceless.

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T00:28:00.000-08:00

Wow. It’s a new year. May it be a great one for all!

The Rain

2008-12-26T22:42:00.000-08:00

The tracks of Santa’s sleigh are being melted away by the rain tonight. The streets are glossy, reflecting streaks of bright Christmas lights. The world feels friendly. This long road is dark, but the headlights are bright enough.

I’d like to give a shout out to the time and space collision which is responsible for all of our comprehendible existence.

There is a negative force. There is an equally positive force. Our flesh, each of our cells, are playing with juggling balls, being the motion of the space and time between these two extremes.

Tuesday

2008-12-23T20:51:00.000-08:00

Head & Tail Lights

2008-12-22T20:52:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of headlights and taillights, driving north from Grand Rapids. Everyone please travel safely! Drive fast when the roads are clear. Take it chill and drive slow when conditions are slippery with poor visibility. Enjoy friends and family!

Snow Angel

2008-12-18T22:05:00.000-08:00

I have encountered the remains of a snow angel, in the form of a freshly plowed driveway! I pulled into the drive expecting to spend 30 to 40 minutes shoveling. No such thing! Today I was blessed with a kind, silent neighbor, who took his or her precious time to make my life a little easier. I was beaming. I was smiling ear to ear; not so much because I didn’t want to shovel, more so because these types of random acts of kindness give me hope for the redemption of humanity.

Have you heard? Performing or witnessing random acts of kindness actually boosts your serotonin levels! I felt it today, indeed.

This weekend would be a great time to test this theory out for yourself. Time to celebrate folks! The dark is leaving us. The light is coming!

The Layers Show
White Cotton Thermal, Under 3$, Resale shop somewhere
Brown Knit Dress with pockets, $20ish, Peebles, Petoskey
Brown Wool Sweater, $2.50, Goldmine Petoskey
Black Tights, $10, K-Mart Petoskey
Black Cotton Leggings, $10, K-Mart Petoskey
Striped Leg Warmers, Free, Free Table Stewart House, Sea-town
Maggie's Organic Cotton Socks, gift, thanks mom.
Pink n’ Black Boots, thanks mom! Target

Chilling with my friend Recycled Materials Man on a Tuesday afternoon….priceless.

Pulling into the driveway some kind stranger plowed for you….serotonin boosting pricelessness.

Explorer of California

2008-12-18T00:54:00.000-08:00

This is a photo of Perhansa and me in a Target superstore back in November. We share a similar genetic makeup. It’s pretty neat, originating from the same two folks, transforming into two unique individuals.

Yesterday he landed in Michigan for the holidays. As of the last few years, he has been mostly an explorer of the California territories. I do not get to visit him often enough, especially during these colder months. Please contact me if you would like to sponsor my next California adventure.

Stillness

2008-12-17T10:22:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I got the chance to spend some time in the woods; the medium deep woods. (For those of you who don’t know the Northern Michigan area, there are woods everywhere, even within the city limits, so I categorize those as lightly wooded areas. Then there are the medium woods, which, may have some houses scattered throughout them, but are relatively solace. And finally, there are the deep woods, which are extremely blissful if you can find your way out before dark.)

Saturday I cross country skied in an area called “Colonial Point Memorial Forest and the Chaboiganing Nature Preserve.” Honestly I was pretty zenned out during my trek through the woods and didn’t take much notice of the old growth red oaks, which thrive in direct sunlight and the nutrient rich soil, thanks to the glacial activity back in the “Wisconsinan” period. I did take notice of the incredible sound that happens when heavy tuffs of snow fall from tree branches, landing in the powder below. This sound is like a car door slamming in the distance. This sound always catches me off guard. I stop my skating to look around for the invisible vehicle only to witness the remanence of the diving snow as a big puff of whiteness surrounded by the stillness of the wintery woods.

Highlights of this adventure includes; getting lost, getting found in time for my afternoon rendezvous, getting my friends truck medium stuck in a snow bank (as opposed to really stuck where you need a push), taking a really long piss in the woods standing up like a boy using my handy dandy pee tool, being within 20 feet of a red headed woodpecker, watching him plonking his beak into the tree bark, and, dreaming of being the next Marty Stouffer.

The Layers Show
Headband, Free, salvaged from the bottom of an old tee shirt
Brown striped hoodie, $16, Peebles P-town
Black silk turtle neck, $2.50, Goldmine
Blue Wool sweater, $2.50, Sal Arm
Black tights, $9.99, K-mart
Wool plaid skirt, $2.50, Goldmine
Awesome snow pants, $19, Targe Chicago
Hot pink cotton knee high socks, cut off from an old pare of tights
Ankle height Smartwool socks really warn out, $9, Moosejaw Chicago
X-Country ski boots & skis, borrowed, thanks mom!

Having pocket food when my blood sugar levels are crashing after 90 minutes of skiing and climbing that final hill, priceless.

It’s 17 degrees Fahrenheit and I’m not cold

2008-12-10T17:23:00.000-08:00

That’s right folks, its 17 degrees and dropping fast as traces of the sun set through the gray sky. I did more shoveling today. As you can see in this photo, I am not even wearing my coat. I started to consider starting a snow shoveling business, but then my back talked me out of it. It is a really ridiculous feeling when you try to tackle something larger than yourself.

If one puts the same amount of effort into seeking peace, as they do seeking escape from madness, then we’d all be chill.

The Layers Show

Pink Seattle Hat, $10, Walgreen’s, Downtown Sea-town
Glasses, $100, New Vision, P-town
Trees and Birdies Hoodie, $2.50, Value Village, Sea-town
Gator Plumbing Long sleeve Tee, $2.50, Village Discount, Chi-town
Blue Tee Shirt with Flowers, $6, Target, Chi-town
Hot pink and black striped tights, $2.00, Value Village, Sea-town
Guess Jeans, Free! Free Table, Stewart House Seattle
Beige Belt, 50 cent, Goldmine, P-town
Snow pants, gift, (Thanks Mom!)
Maggies organic cotton socks, gift, (Thanks Mom!)
Rain resistant snow boots, Thanks Mom!

Resisting the urge to curse Mother Nature when I can’t pull into the drive, priceless.

Not freezing my ass off, and actually being warm in 17 degree temperatures…priceless.

This is a Yooper Scooper, and a Yooper Scooping

2008-12-09T01:12:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok, I’ll admit it. I’m not an official a Yooper (person born in the Upper Peninsula, Michigan). I was born in Illinois, but I think I deserve honorary Yooper status since 3/5ths of my family are official Yoopers, I spent 8 of my childhood years up there, and I lived Yooper style, alone in the woods on Lake Superior for four months.

Being underemployed has its benefits. It makes shoveling large driveways covered in three feet of heavy snow seem like a fun play day, rather than a chore. Friday morning I blasted Mott The Hoople and Woodie Guthrie from my bedroom window, then proceeded to tackle the driveway.

This task was loads of fun as I watched pickup trucks drive by with their powerful plows. As I walked back and forth, scoop by scoop, shoveling the yooper scooper into the stacks of snow, I reminisced about my time up north living on Squaw Beach. One morning I attempted to clear my driveway. It was a near impossible feat. I gave up, stuck my shovel in the snow, took advantage of my Subaru all wheel drive, and blasted into town. When I came home that evening it was if an angel had visited my driveway, in the form of an invisible pickup truck with plow. That was pretty sweet. I was blessed by friendly neighbors. But that was years ago in a far away land. Back to Friday…

I was nearly dancing, ecstatic, back and forth, scoop by scoop, clearing, clearing, clearing, and feeling oh so thankful to not be locked behind a desk in some office or school institution; never mind the fact that it was snowing and blowing so hard that by the time I finished clearing the snow in front of me, there was nearly two new inches of powder behind me. It was a reminder of that lesson we all need to be at peace with. The only constant is change.

Change your hat, change your style, change your prescription, change your perspective.

Midway through this snow clearing project, heated from busting ass, I laid myself down on a pile of untouched snow. I could feel my body heat contrast the frozen snow. I looked up at the sky which was grey and dropping delicate flakes of ice crystals. From this prospective the world seemed so clear, uncluttered, simple and simply joyful. I smiled big teeth to the sky.

Eventually I got up and giggled at myself for the silliness of it all; the silliness of lying in the snow, the silliness of moving this massive amount of snow from side to side, knowing well that there will be twice as much to remove next week. Chris Watkins said it best, all we do is move things from one place to another. Really, that’s it. That’s life. Give it whatever meaning you need to.

The Layers Show

Pink & Black Boots, gifted (thanks mom)
Wool Longies, 2 dollar, Goldmine
Blue Linen Pants, prolly from the Goldmine like 3 years ago
Awesome Snow Pants, gifted (thanks mom)
Silk Turtle Neck, $2 Goldmine
Obnoxiously Blue but Warm Gloves, $1 New Beginnings Thrift
Brown & Yellow Striped Hat, $1 New Beginnings Thrift
Being able to park in the drive, priceless.

Race with the Snow

2008-11-29T22:03:00.000-08:00

Last week it was a race against the snow to get in the last harvest of the year; turnips, carrots, lettuce. Though the snow was really heavy and persistent, Mike and I were super excited to be back in the garden after a weekend at the Great Lakes CSA Conference.

Surprisingly we were able to salvage a sizable amount of lettuce, and we created quite a gorgeous mix of greens for the Holiday Market in Boyne City; Centers from the weathered lettuce heads, pea tendrils, stunning purple-y reds from the radicchio, fancy frills from the ende Frisee, a tad bit mixers of tatsoy and spinach. Mmm. I was blessed to made a killer salad for the Thanksgiving gathering I attended; lettuce mix, carrots, breakfast radishes, watermelon radishes, turnips, broccoli, croutons, with an improvised avocado salad dressing. It was extravagant to say the least. Yum.

But now I am going through withdrawals from lack of time in the dirt.

These sways,
the rhythm of this world,
cycles lost and found,
drowning in lakes and flesh frozen into snow angel molds,
I haven’t a word to say to you tonight.

Naturalist and Explorer

2008-11-18T19:44:00.000-08:00

This is me hugging a tree in Humboldt Park, Chicago. Humboldt Park is 207 acres on the northwest side of the city. I have lived in three different apartments in the Humboldt Park neighborhood. I dug it. It was pretty good living for the city dweller in me. But today, cozy in my snowy country home, I was finally curious enough about the history of who this Humboldt character was. Who was this man who was honored enough to get a 207 acre city park named after him?

Turns out his name was "Friedrich Wilhelm Heinrich Alexander Freiherr von Humboldt." He was German. He lived from 1769 to 1859. He was a naturalist and explorer, but never made it through Chicago!

Check this out. He wrote a book called, "Cosmos: Draft of a Physical Description of The World." Now I am VERY curious.

Be Happy

2008-11-16T08:31:00.000-08:00

Be happy! It makes the world a better place.

Celeriac

2008-11-14T05:09:00.000-08:00

I pulled Celeriac today to clear a row for shallots. They had a celery smell to them. I day dreamed of lazy brunches with my family in the city sipping bloody marys. I dreamed of staying warm in small town cozy apartments throughout the winter’s cold.

The Celeriac is sometimes known as "a vegetable octopus" or "Rastafarian turnip." It is a tangled root ball and if you can peal it to it’s core, use it raw or cooked. I have not yet tried the Celeriac. After harvesting four dozen of them I feel like I am meant to put on my witches hat and brew up a Celeriac concoction, drink it and grow some roots.

The Layers Show:

Brown and Pink Vest with Fake Fur Hood, Kmart Seattle, $16
Biker Geek Glasses, Prescription by USA Sport, Internet, $100
20 Use Tube Cloth, used as light hat, REI Chicago, $18
Earrings, Gifted, Free
Green Fancy Girl Camo Zip Turtle Neck, Woolrich, Goldmine Petoskey, $2.50
Pink Sweater, Goldmine Petoskey, $2.50
Having all the Celeriac Harvested, Priceless

Seasons of the Moon

2008-11-13T06:53:00.001-08:00

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I was laughing at the moon. I stared at the horizon towards town, speckled with its electric buzzing lights. I cricked my neck up so I could gawk at the breathtaking, and breath-giving moon. This photo was from last week. Last night the moon appeared full. I think today it is at 100%. It shown so bright my darkness could not exist.

To a farmer, lost in his field after dark on a moonless night, the distant glow of a Wal-Mart may be comforting and reassuring, “Ah, yes, there is other life out there.” But on other nights, when the moon outshines Wal-Mart, Home depot and the Casino! I mean, THAT is something to ask questions about. Who controls this massive light bulb in the night sky? It’s luminous is unlike any other light. A cool passing cloud cover dances by like a mystically narrated lamp shade. I stare up and laugh at the immense power that shines down on me.

Tonight this power shines down on me. Other nights I am left in the darkness to strengthen my faith in the galactic orbits, these seasons of the moon.

I think about the excitement Christmas time brings, as we prepare to celebrate the coming of the longer, warmer brighter days. If I didn’t have electricity, this moon would become my best friend, second in line to sun, (though I spose it depends on what style of life style you prefer.) Nights can be so peaceful and still. There is great opportunity to listen close to the stillness of the earth and sky; and the moon shouts down like a close friend,

“You are loved. Keep dancing.”

Fashion Photo #2

2008-11-11T23:47:00.000-08:00

Ok, I am going back a few months in time with this photo, back to September. In fact, I think this photo may have been taken on my 24th birthday! What a beautiful weekend at harvest gathering. I love this photo cuz my outfit goes so well with the tent, this time, bottom to top….

Farmer Overalls, Goldmine P-town, $2.50
Winter Staple Green Woolie, Value Village, Sea-town, $2.00
White hooded cotton thermal, Somewhere between NY and far West, $1.00
Music Note tee shirt, Target, Chicago, Humboldt Park, $10
Necklace, Gift from South West adventures, Love
Smile, ragged, elated, Priceless
Hoop Earrings, Kmart, P-town, 3 for $9
Pink Snow Cap, Walgreen’s, Sea-town, $10
Tent, Marmot, Borrowed from Family, Love
Trees, Priceless!

So this photo is my farewell to summer, fall, and Indian summer. It has been super blissful. But now we hit hard into the transition into the winter months.

Tonight I worshiped the moon. I stood where the boardwalk meets the water. The moon blasted light down on to the earth. This powerful light over shadowing even the bright buzzing lights of the new Walgreen’s complex. I laughed with the moon as I asked it silly questions.

Fashion Photo #1

2008-11-10T06:09:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Layers Show:
From top to bottom,

Pink Snow Cap, Walgreens Seattle , $10
Brown and Pink Vest with Fake Fur Hood, Kmart Seattle, $16
Brown wind breaker, Columbia from REI Chicago, $28
Blue Merino Wool Sweater, Sal Army Petoskey, $1.00
MI NORMAL tee shirt, Bioneers Traverse City, $25 (with membership)
Black Smartwool long sleeve tee, Getz Marquette, $50
White with heart print thermal, Kmart Petoskey $16
Erlewine Sisters Skirt, Goldmine Petoskey, $2.50
Black Leggings, Kmart Petoskey, $1
Leg Warmers, Stewart House Free Table Seattle, Free
Smartwool socks, Moosejaw Chicago, 3 for $20
Earthshoes, Whole Foods Seattle, $70

That's a total of less than a dollar investment every day for a year. Stay tuned for more Fashion Photos. I'll keep ya warm with all my layers.